less than 40 days to go, and i need to vent

10:02 AM

im soo tired of getting up in the morning when ive finally fallen asleep only to go to work where its just sort of bleh. work is slow and its hectic at the same time - what with the economy and all everyone is struggling. dont get me wrong im glad i have a job - a good job and especially passing this exam - hopefully an even better job - if the economy ever recovers. and i am getting pretty sick and tired of the micro managing that goes around.

anyway, i have about 19 days before my maternity leave. YES! NINETEEN DAYS! WOO HOO! ugh, but before then i have to try and get my replacement up to speed. id like to create a little task manual or procedure manual but the thing is, i dont have any defined tasks. what i basically do is - whatever needs to get done, i make sure it gets done. and it changes daily. sure i am working on a couple of projects but at any given moment the boss or micro manager can throw me a curveball and then all my energy is focused on that while still paying attention to 2 projects and perhaps doing damage control on another project that im not even privy to.

part of me is scared that being home for 3 months will have me not want to go back to work at all - what with having a healthy beautiful newborn (knock on wood) to look and coo at and the other part of me is scared that after being home for 3 months i can not wait to get back to work - what with having a healthy beautiful newborn and all the worries and demands a newborn will have. the latter makes going to work um far less complicated.

all in all though, i cant wait. im excited and nervous and scared. i wish it were here already. ok, maybe not quite. there still is the labor part that i am not entirely sure i am ready for yet. i think i started to feel crampy - more like diarrhea cramps without the diarrhea - sorry folks a little TMI. not really any braxton hicks - at least i dont think so.

i thought i would be writing more but instead im thinking more. im just, i dont know, still getting used to things. we rearranged our bedroom to fit in the office that was part of the nursery and while i was putting away some stuff (like clothes i will not be able to wear for a long ass time. skinny jeans - ha!) i found my moms card to me after we told her we were expecting. and i just broke down. and yep here are the tears again.

anyway, i should get back to work.

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